Thursday, May 16, 2013

Sorry tale of a listing MP

Whaddya mean, a drink too many? Haven't started yet. Three bottles of champagne. Pronto! That's not a brand we stock, sir.

Pronto? It means chop chop. Rattle your dags. A into G. I'm afraid I can't serve you any more wine, sir. Now, look here, sport. You know who I am?

 ''Bugger. Wrong card. Well, forget cards. I'll tell you who who I am face to face. I'm a member of Parliament. And here's my ID. The genuine plastic card on a chain. There's not too many of those around, sonny. I can get better grub at half the price you charge here by just flashing this at Bellamy's.

And I can use the members' dunnies in the House at any time. Night or day. Night or day

Congratulations, sir. Our prices are a bit dearer than Bellamy's, but then we are not subsidised by the taxpayer. The voters in your electorate will be pleased to know you are eating well, sir. '

 At the polytech, sir. It's part of the paper on handling difficult customers. If the customer is made to feel inferior he may quieten down and do as he is asked. We need that training as the temptation to assault the customer can become irresistible.

Don't try that with me, cobber. No MP is gonna feel inferior to a waiter poncing around with a ring in his ear. Let's have more champagne and less posh talk.

I'm sorry, sir. You have already had far too much to drink and I'm afraid you are upsetting the other indoor Tracking.

Look here, sunshine. I'll be the thudge of jat. Champagne. Now!

No, sir. And please stop shouting. The lady at table 6 is having a fit at all this noise. She was sent here by her specialist with her nerves. She had hoped to be going home tomorrow. I'm afraid I will have to ask you to leave.

 I'm not sure that Mr Key looks after the staffing at the hotel, sir. Certainly it was Monsieur Alphonse who offered me my present position and he said nothing about having to ring Wellington. And I imagine Mr Key has more than enough on his plate running the country and visiting tourist resorts overseas. The staffing of a country hotel is unlikely to concern him.

It soon will concern him, my lad. When he hears about one of his members being given the runaround in a public place. He'll have you out of here before you can say, ''and chips with that''. Rubbish, if you don't mind me saying so, sir.

He also explained just how sophisticated some identity theft operations can be. One of thieves' most preferred methods is skimming ATMs. The criminals will insert card readers onto the ATM and install tiny cameras somewhere on the machine to record the black magnetic strip information from the back of the card and watch someone enter their PIN. The criminals can then buy blank plastic credit cards and encode them with magnetic strips containing the same information, creating a duplicate credit card.

The best way to prevent against this is to keep your hand low over the key pad when you're typing in your PIN, Solomon said. He added that many companies have made newer machines which make it harder to install skimming devices, but that these machines are expensive and banks have been slow to replace old machines due to cost.

Another way of gaining information for criminals is by asking for it directly. Solomon recalled a "jury duty" story in which a person pretending to be from the government calls and said you've missed jury duty. To avoid being held in contempt, they tell you they are now recording the conversation and that you must identify yourself and pledge to come on a certain future date. They ask for your Social Security number, birth date, etc., and you've just given a criminal all they need.

"How many people like eBay?" Solomon asked. "The criminals have their own versions, as well. A carding website will have auctions, like `I'll sell you 100 IDs for $2,000.' You can even rate the seller. `Johnny Jones gave me some great cards.' "

Other tips Solomon offered were never to click on links from unusual emails, as they might install a virus on your computer, and to consider changing passwords every 60 to 90 days.

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